If a man buys tix’s to a concert worth close to $200.00 should his date pay for dinner? Are do women see that as a problem?
Apr 202010
Apr 092010
Dear MrsLV,
It’s been a little over a year that I’ve been seeing this guy. We do everything that couples would do, but I’m not labeled as his girl friend. I want to ask him about that, but I remember in a previous conversation that him an I had, he wasn’t so excited about being in a relationship. I want to bring it up again, but I’m not quite sure how to. what should I do?
Signed,
Anonymously tagged
Dear Anonymously,
Luv Bug, I feel ya. What is going on is he is not in a place where he can be at peace with the labeling process; at least not with you at this time. And that is only if he is still against relationships…that time may have passed and he may just assume that you are his girlfriend, as in perhaps the “will you be my girlfriend’?” ceremony may have never happened, but may be just assumed to be the case. But, I assume that you may have gathered that he’s not labeling you because he may have introduced you or described you as something other than his girlfriend.
So lets, for the sake of this column, say that the case is that no label is present. This is common. I, too, have been in places where the actual pressures of the title are more than I can bare. But what troubles me is that you have not addressed it. I’m not sure what his reasons are, but you have to make a decision if the label is more important than the relationship you have with him right now.
Consider what the two of you have right now. You stated that you do everything a couple would do; do you go to visit reletives together, shop together, date each other, have sex with each other, etc. Are you the one who everyone knows is his “girl” or “special friend”? If these things are there-then all we’re talking about is a label.
Let me tell you about labels, Luv Bug. I was married for about 3 years, and not once did I meet any of my husband’s family members EXCEPT for his 3 kids and their moms. I barely knew any of his friends. When his brother passed away, something in me died too because I realized that I would never have the chance to meet his brother. All the while, I had the label of “Wife”. A lot of good that did me, huh? And now that the marriage is over, there are no ties-nothing. Its as if it never really happened. So much for labels.
If you have MORE than what I just described, then truly LOOK more closely to see if the label is truly needed. Also, make sure that he’s not living a double life. The non-labels works for some, and for other’s it doesn’t. In the end, do what makes you feel happy, but don’t expect him to change out of pressure; only you can change you.
After analyzing why the label is so important to you, decide whether it is truly needed or if you need to let things go between the two of you. See, his decision to not be labeled actually puts more power in your court because in all fairness, you can date other people since he is not technically “your boyfriend”. And if he doesn’t want dating other people, then he needs to give you a label as his girlfriend. He can’t have it both ways unless you allow him to.
Signed,
MrsLV
Apr 082010
To the fellas do women put themselves on a pedestal, when they should be putting their feet to ground trying to find themselves a goodman? It’s great to have a career! It’s even better to have somone to share it with.
Apr 082010
Now that women have some much Financial Independence do you purposely put men thought more drama. Or do you feel men have bring more to the table?
Apr 072010
What’s more important in a relationship? Love, Friendship, Sex, Appearance, or Financial Security
Dear MrsLV,
Mrs LV, he has a great personality, but the sex is horrible. But I like him and he’s boyfriend material minus the sex. How can I help him improve his sex game?
Signed,
Sex101
Dear Sex 101,
The wonderful thing thing about sex is that it is something that you can learn to do; a skill, if you will. Luv Bug, the first thing you need to do is figure out what it is that you like to do sexually, and then have a “let’s try this” session with him. Let’s say he goes too fast….you’d tell him “Baby, let’s try this game where we go really slow to see how long we can handle it” or you could try having slow music on to set the mood. See, with that example, you didn’t come off hurting his feelings or putting him down; you made it something interactive (not that sex isn’t, lol) and also placed a challenge in the way to make it more intriguing.
When he does something you do like, make a big deal about it so that he knows to do it that way again. When he does something you don’t like, tell him you want to take control and then you can set the stage for anything you want.
Never hurt his feelings, because you never want to give someone a complex. Just remember…it takes two, so do your part and show him how to do his.
Signed,
MrsLV
Mar 312010
What would you do if you had a crush on someone from your past, but they never gave you the time of day. Skip to the present, they see you now and you got it going on! Would you give them a chance or keep it moving?
Mar 302010
Your current mate’s ex. has decided to ruin your relationship. You happen to have the proof in e-mails and text of them telling someone everything they said and did. Do you put in the energy to show your mate the proof or do you let thing continue to develop, or just leave due to the fact your mate doesn’t believe you?
Mar 292010
Dear MrsLV,
How do I tell my cousin I slept with her boyfriend? Or do I tell her?
Signed,
Bloodlines
Dear Bloodlines,
I’m assuming that you know that you should tell her. You’ve crossed a line, and with so many people in the world that you could have slept with, you chose to sleep with her man. No way around it, it’s wrong and you should fess up. You may lose her respect and even her friendship for awhile, but hopefully if you are sincerly sorry she will forgive you. But be woman enough to take that chance. Sorry Luv Bug 
MrsLV
Mar 292010
In today’s world I find that people of color have lost some key family values. I remember a time when family meant something, growing old with the person you love meant something. How do we get ourselves back focused on key values?
I find that a lot of people today are very selfish and afraid to open up to the person they say they love or want to spend the rest of their lives with. We talk more to our friends.
