MrsLV »

Relationship Brand Names

Apr 092010

Dear MrsLV,

It’s been a little over a year that I’ve been seeing this guy. We do everything that couples would do, but I’m not labeled as his girl friend. I want to ask him about that, but I remember in a previous conversation that him an I had, he wasn’t so excited about being in a relationship. I want to bring it up again, but I’m not quite sure how to. what should I do?

Signed,

Anonymously tagged

Dear Anonymously,

Luv Bug, I feel ya. What is going on is he is not in a place where he can be at peace with the labeling process; at least not with you at this time. And that is only if he is still against relationships…that time may have passed and he may just assume that you are his girlfriend, as in perhaps the “will you be my girlfriend’?” ceremony may have never happened, but may be just assumed to be the case. But, I assume that you may have gathered that he’s not labeling you because he may have introduced you or described you as something other than his girlfriend.

So lets, for the sake of this column, say that the case is that no label is present. This is common. I, too, have been in places where the actual pressures of the title are more than I can bare. But what troubles me is that you have not addressed it. I’m not sure what his reasons are, but you have to make a decision if the label is more important than the relationship you have with him right now.

Consider what the two of you have right now. You stated that you do everything a couple would do; do you go to visit reletives together, shop together, date each other, have sex with each other, etc. Are you the one who everyone knows is his “girl” or “special friend”? If these things are there-then all we’re talking about is a label.

Let me tell you about labels, Luv Bug. I was married for about 3 years, and not once did I meet any of my husband’s family members EXCEPT for his 3 kids and their moms. I barely knew any of his friends. When his brother passed away, something in me died too because I realized that I would never have the chance to meet his brother. All the while, I had the label of “Wife”. A lot of good that did me, huh? And now that the marriage is over, there are no ties-nothing. Its as if it never really happened. So much for labels.

If you have MORE than what I just described, then truly LOOK more closely to see if the label is truly needed. Also, make sure that he’s not living a double life. The non-labels works for some, and for other’s it doesn’t. In the end, do what makes you feel happy, but don’t expect him to change out of pressure; only you can change you.

After analyzing why the label is so important to you, decide whether it is truly needed or if you need to let things go between the two of you. See, his decision to not be labeled actually puts more power in your court because in all fairness, you can date other people since he is not technically “your boyfriend”. And if he doesn’t want dating other people, then he needs to give you a label as his girlfriend. He can’t have it both ways unless you allow him to.

Signed,

MrsLV

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Ugghhh, boyfriend material minus the sex!

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Apr 012010

Dear MrsLV,

Mrs LV, he has a great personality, but the sex is horrible. But I like him and he’s boyfriend material minus the sex. How can I help him improve his sex game?

Signed,

Sex101

Dear Sex 101,

The wonderful thing thing about sex is that it is something that you can learn to do; a skill, if you will. Luv Bug, the first thing you need to do is figure out what it is that you like to do sexually, and then have a “let’s try this” session with him. Let’s say he goes too fast….you’d tell him “Baby, let’s try this game where we go really slow to see how long we can handle it” or you could try having slow music on to set the mood. See, with that example, you didn’t come off hurting his feelings or putting him down; you made it something interactive (not that sex isn’t, lol) and also placed a challenge in the way to make it more intriguing.

When he does something you do like, make a big deal about it so that he knows to do it that way again. When he does something you don’t like, tell him you want to take control and then you can set the stage for anything you want.

Never hurt his feelings, because you never want to give someone a complex. Just remember…it takes two, so do your part and show him how to do his.

Signed,

MrsLV

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Family secrets

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Mar 292010

Dear MrsLV,

How do I tell my cousin I slept with her boyfriend? Or do I tell her?

Signed,

Bloodlines

Dear Bloodlines,

I’m assuming that you know that you should tell her. You’ve crossed a line, and with so many people in the world that you could have slept with, you chose to sleep with her man. No way around it, it’s wrong and you should fess up. You may lose her respect and even her friendship for awhile, but hopefully if you are sincerly sorry she will forgive you. But be woman enough to take that chance. Sorry Luv Bug

MrsLV

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The numbers game

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Mar 202010

Dear MrsLV,

My boyfriend asked me how many sex partners I had, and I was honest with him. And now he looks at me differently. And makes smart remarks about my past. How do I get him to shut the hell up about it? Mind you, he asked and wanted to know.

Signed,

Caught up in the Numbers Game

Dear Numbers,

WHOA! Luv Bug..I really wish you hadn’t gone there with him in the first place. I hate that question. It’s definitely one that I won’t tolerate in a relationship because it causes too much trouble. The only time a history on your PAST (and I emphasize PAST because that’s just what it is) sexual activity is even relevant is if it involves a STD or if a question of virginity leading up to marriage comes up. Other than that, it’s typically a stumble into quicksand waiting to happen.

You can’t “get him to shut up” because it’s his own insecurities getting the best of him. What you should do is decide just how much of his ignorance you’re going to put up with. Find out from him if your past is worth losing out on a future with you. If it is, then you don’t have to put up with it anymore-dump him. If it’s not, then tell him to move on to the next subject.

Signed,

MrsLV

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Love or Lust?

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Mar 192010

Dear MrsLV,

Does true love really exist or is it our lust for companionship?

Signed,

Man on A Quest

Dear Quest,

True love does exist. I say that because the definition of LOVE is GOD. No matter what your beliefs are; your God/Higher Power/Allah, Buddha, etc…..it’s the purest form of GOOD that there is. So obviously, it exists and more times than not it’s not so much our LUST for companionship-but our NEED to be close to someone.

At some point in our lives, the God in us longs for romantic love. And yes, companionship often is acquired from that love if you’re lucky. Some say love is over-rated, but in my opinion, it’s under-rated. People are too caught up on the things that aren’t truly associated with love that they don’t take the time to appreciate LOVE for what it truly is.

I hope this helped. Believe.

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Don’t want to sit on the bench!

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Mar 132010

Dear MrsLV—–My husband wants to have a 3 some. I kind of want to also, but I’m scared that he may stray off and lose feelings for me, once he tries new vagina. BUT I DO want to have one. help me Mrs.LV!

Signed,

Bench Warmer

Dear Bench Warmer,

Luv Bug, sounds like you aren’t really ready for this sort of experience. I’ve talked before about the whole 3some experience, as you know. But some main aspects in participating in one are confidence and security. Perhaps you have a lack of both at the moment; and that’s okay. But until you work out your own issues of insecurity and lack of confidence, it would not be a good idea to venture into this.

You see, the 3some experience, though engaging and exciting-is really for the grown and sexy so-to-speak. I don’t care if you are a 300lb gorilla, you have to go into it feeling like you’re the hottest 300lb gorilla around. To say that you fear your husband will want to stick with the “new vagina” tells me that you don’t feel that you truly have what it takes to keep your husband solely with you. There lies the deeper issue: your husband could get “new vagina” with or without you, and if you have even the slightest inclination that this is a possibility, you definitely don’t want to go the 3some route.

Before you act on the 3some experience, I suggest you take some time to discover what’s going on inside of “you”. Luv Bug, also don’t short change your husband: give him the opportunity to ease your mind. Let him know how you are feeling and get his take on things. If he values what you have to say, then he may can help to ease your mind. If not, then this is definitely something that you DON”T want to do, because 3somes demand a lot of communication, respect, and trust.

Let me know how it works out….

MrsLV

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Help! I can’t find my orgasm!

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Mar 102010

Dear MrsLV,

I cant reach an orgasam. HELP!

Signed,

Peakless

Dear Peakless,

Unfortunately, this is very common among women (though most times they’ll never admit it). There are several tricks or techniques that could assist you in reaching your peak.

First, you’ll want to make sure that you truly “know” your body. Yes, you’ve had it all your life, but do you truly know it? Do you know all the little hidden “hot” spots that get you stimulated? Hot Spots, better known as Erogenous Zones, are areas of the body that are more sensitive towards sexual stimulation. Though people are different, these zones have been known to be the average zones that affect most women, and thanks to much research on the subject, at least ten zones have been located: the inner thigh, ears, the nape of the neck, breasts, feet, wrists, clitoris/vagina, lips, buttocks, and behind the knees. With all of those zones, if you find the exact spots and the exact technique on stimulating them, “happy hour” will be sure to come.

Next, you may want to investigate some clitoris stimulation techniques The clitoris is one of the main erogenous zones in a woman’s body, and is an external source of bliss if handled properly. Learning how to manipulate your clitoris to achieve an orgasm is a must! And thankfully, science has joined in on the campaign to assist women in this area via way of clitoris stimulation tools. There are special creams that will make that sensitive area extra sensitive (be sure to read the labels to ensure that you use them properly).

Who says you’re too old for toys?! Sex novelty stores are wide spread in your area, as well as online. And yes, you can use these toys (dildos, vibrators, etc) while you are alone, but why not use them while with your partner? Allow your partner to take part in the fun, and this extra added aspect to your sexual encounter may just lead to a happy ending.

Bottom line, there are many ways to achieve an orgasm, either alone or with someone special. Take time to learn who you are and what makes you tick, explore the sexual “you”, and by all means try, try, try until you reach your peak and understand fully how to continue to be successful in your quest.

Good luck, Luv Bug…and happy searching!

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Relationships-Is he/she the one for you?

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Mar 042010

At the end of the day, we are who we are. We can “modify” and “adapt”,but we don’t really change who we are. The good in all of as well as the bad has always existed within;it just takes certain experiences to bring those things out in us.

Too many times we feel as though we can change our loved ones. But, if we do not accept who they are in the first place then we must admit that they are not really for us. God created us all-so who are we to think that we can re-create another person?

Sure, we can assist, rehabilitate, teach, request, demand…and the list goes on;but the change in actions that another person makes is by choice,not necessarily by nature.

If you are with someone and feel that they could be much much better-then, of course, try to help them. But don’t be disappointed if change isn’t happening. And if all attempts fail, don’t be afraid to realize that perhaps the person you are with may not be the person who is meant for you.

If you think about it, there were clues when you first began dating the person. Back then you probably didn’t want to admit it-you felt that he/she would change or that those little pet-peave irritators would be something you could tolerate. But let me just tell you that if that was the case then you may have overlooked people that were actually more compatible with you.

Be fair AND honest with yourself. The truth hurts-but feeling unhappy and misplaced hurts far more.